I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
