You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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