I think im going to throw up on grandma
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
