id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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