i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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