I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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