and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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