I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
