I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
