Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
