drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
