Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
