And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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