I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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