This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
