she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My breasts were aching with rage.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
