just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
