my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
