What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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