i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
