is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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