It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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