I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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