This is not my ceiling
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
