hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to sanitize my soul.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
