alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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