Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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