I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
