I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
