U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
