May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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