so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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