I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
