Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
