is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
