I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
