he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
