I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
