once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's shark week go big or go home
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
