Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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