cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you made out with another girl for some wings
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
