I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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