It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need to align my fucking chakras
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
