so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
