I feel like abortions should bother me more
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
