Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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