I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
