just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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