My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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