Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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