next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
this is an emotional support booty call
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
