I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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